To the men who’ve marked me for good
Sitting in a muggy church lobby in Thailand, watching a local street vendor rolling pork skewers on his grill has got me thinking about the twists and turns that life takes. Finding myself in this unexpected, humid moment casts the last 37 years into fresh perspective. Sitting here with time on my hands I’ve been mulling over the relationships that have shaped me and combined, contributed to me sitting in this barstool.
Reserved Western culture does a disservice to us when it comes to honour. At most we might mention some noble traits in a friend or family member at their funeral, but we rarely take the opportunity until that sombre moment. Today I’m reflecting on what I’ve learnt from some of the men in particular I’ve crossed paths with in my 37 years.
People are multi-faceted, but for simplicity I’m just highlighting a couple of key lessons learnt, and by no means meaning to shoebox anyone.
Simon Curran
Dad taught me how to write, run and love. He was a regular contributor to our local paper and in my teen years I became aware that he was always working on a thoughtful exploration of this or that topic. Now lighthearted, now at depth. He showed me how to be critical of my own culture, how to be irreverent and how to think. I recall countless moments that friends would stop us in the shop, or at church and celebrate dad’s recently published insights. We all have something to offer.
I also learnt how to run from dad. How to enjoy exercise, and how much good it would do me. This may have been his greatest lesson — only a runner knows the feeling.
A final thought, that has emerged posthumously, is that Dad modeled love for his son, despite being different. Conversations with dad’s old friends have revealed that by comparison Dad spawned a starkly milder, more academically inclined son. The fact that I only realised that in my 20’s is testimony to dad’s devotion to his family and to immersing himself in our worlds without an agenda.
And now in no particular order…
Ashley Cocks
Ash, you taught me how to trust my internal compass and fan my creativity and passion into flame. Seeing you evaluating a piece of design work, or listening to your insights on the Castellano Beltrame design brief, you taught me to trust my creative insight and develop my own sense of balance, proportion and aesthetics. You gave me a new palette to paint with in life.
Matt Francis
Matt, you showed me what’s possible if we throw everything we have at a project. The mind boggles at some of the adventures we had in my teen and student years. I’ve never been part of a team that packed more punch for its size.
Steve Schlesigner
Steve, you showed me what practical faithful service to God looks like. The Apostle Paul spoke of living with a message entrusted to him, not his own. You modeled the oversight and management of people, finances and projects in the same spirit. Always submitted to God’s will, in success and disappointment. Always anticipating God’s hand to be at work, when I was inclined to simply plan within my own capacity.
Howard Blane
Howie, you taught me how to pray. Not on occasion, but every time you cried out to God. Your prayers expressed a love and devotion to God that inspired faith in me, beyond the words spoken.
Ryan TerMorshuizen
As some readers might anticipate, you taught me about an individual’s strengths. While some of my previous experiences still kick against it a little, I left Cape Town with fresh appreciation for everyone’s unique wiring. I learnt how to honour and create space for other gifts during my time at CG. You also showed me how to lead high performing teams with integrity. You were the first to put your shoulder to the wheel when I dropped the ball and I’ve tried to emulate that since.
Rigby Wallace
Rigs, you’re a rare breed of high performing leader happy to have the fruitfulness of the next generation as his legacy. You helped me understand that we fight for the sanctity of the church. A couple of simple moments, quiet investment into my life, a choice to choose a chair next to me, a conversation at dinner among a crowd of bigger hitters — exemplified leadership that showed no favour.
Ben Whittaker
Ben, our paths of only recently crossed paths but your empathy has marked me for good! Unlike the other lessons learnt it’s less clear how to put it into practice. Maybe the lesson is to lean into the gifts given each of us by the Holy Spirit. Your unhurried anticipation of my internal state is remarkable.
Graham Jackson
Graham, your construction exploits have showed me you don’t always need all the answers before you get started. As in DIY, so in life. You’ve quietly, steadfastly anchored your family going on five decades, fostered a love of learning in them, lead a prestigious career and yet tellingly my mind goes first to your fostering of the love of ice cream in your global flock of grandkids.
Thank you.
